A letter to my second baby

Modified and adapted from Yvette Lamb

My littlest one,

You were not the first to receive my love and you are undeniably showered with less mommy attention than your older sister so far. 

And yet this time around, I am looking forward to the baby stage so much more than I did the first time. Those firsts days when I will be able to gaze into your eyes, drink up your scent and whisper to your soft cheeks how adorable I think you are. I completely look forward to cherishing you, bouncing you on my knee, kissing your chubby cheeks and basking in your delighted laugh, as I know there is only a couple of months of opportunity to savour all these things.

So savour them I shall do.

The benefit of experience has taught me, rarely is there actually much to worry about, and everything troubling will pass. So I will feed you, I will cuddle you, and I will make you laugh. I actually have more space in my head to just enjoy your lovely squishiness and embrace each sleepy sigh on my chest without the silly pressures that don’t matter at all in the grand scheme of our lives.

You are the gift we were so lucky to receive, and I will appreciate and understand every one of the special moments with you so much. I am so thrilled not that we made another baby, but that we made you, and you little one, have made our family complete.

So don’t ever doubt your place, because you couldn’t be more wanted and you couldn’t be more loved.

Lots of love,


Mommy

My Little Woman of the Future

Modified and adapted from Catherine Dietrich

To my darling little woman of the future,

Oh the responsibility of parenting, my little girl!

Dad and I believe in equality. What this means is, you can be what ever you want to be, and no stereotype need ever hold you back. That doesn’t mean you have to rail against the so-called norm if you don’t want to. Play sword fights in your pirate costume and shimmy up a tree, but on the days you feel like donning your tiara and calling yourself a princess, go right ahead. There is nothing wrong with being a princess!

In mid-2016, our world is at the edge of something revolutionary. By the end of this year, the leaders of three of the world’s most powerful nations very well could be women. I hope that by the time you have daughters of your own this won’t be a progressive concept. I hope it will just be.

In raising you and the baby who comes behind you, I vow to parent you as consciously as I can. I want to help pave the path to your destiny, whatever that may be, by teaching you to kick aside the preconceptions that will clutter it along the way. I promise to ensure that our conversations about what girls and boys “can be” are gently reframed in terms of what “girls and boys want to be”. I will make sure you know your value is far beyond the way you look. As the great literary character, Aibileen Clark (The Help), said: “You is kind, you is smart, you is important” – and that, my sweet girl, is all you need to know.

Instead I held you. By Regan Long.

Today my patience has run thin and all I could think about was having a few minutes to myself, but as you fell fast asleep on my chest, it was an easy choice despite a list of things needing to be done.
Because instead ... I held you.

I was going to get the dishwasher unloaded and the overflowing pile in sink washed.
But instead I held you.

I was going to get the clothes folded that have been sitting in the dryer, refluffed one too many times. And I was going to rewash the laundry that sat wet over night.
But instead I held you.

I was going to grab my two minute shower and if I was lucky, I was going to blow-dry my hair and maybe throw on a little makeup.
But instead I held you.

I was going to answer some work emails and respond to a few missed calls that have needed returned over the past 72 hours.
But instead I held you.

I was going to vacuum up the crunched mini wheats that you accidentally spread through the living room and stairwell, and likewise clean up some of the toys that are strewn in every room but the playroom.
But instead I held you.

I was going to get dinner in the crock pot and go through the pile of mail that has been sitting on the countertop since Monday.
But instead I held you.

I was going to carry you upstairs and lay you down as I was pretty certain you wouldn’t awake if I did. Maybe you would have been more comfortable in your bed?
But instead I held you.

You see, your little legs are already bunched up on the chair as it seems like it was just yesterday that your tiny toes were still resting upon my stomach.

Your tiny breaths and sweet hands fell so perfectly around me, yet soon you will prefer to stretch out in your own toddler bed.

It turns out that my plans for this time weren’t going to accomplish what I have right here in my arms.

I found my calm and the peace and the satisfaction right here, right now, because of one simple choice...

Instead, I held you.

Tener hijos

Modificado de un texto de autor desconocido

Nada te cambiara de manera tan permanente como te cambia un hijo.

Trabajas con más ganas y dedicación, después de todo existe un pequeño ser totalmente dependiente de ti, y eso te convierte en un profesional con un empuje que ninguna otra situación te daría. Los hijos nos hacen superar todos los límites.

Comienzas a preocuparte de hacer algo por el mundo pues eres el ejemplo de ser humano de tu hijo y nada puede ser más grande que eso.

Comienzas a cuidar más tu salud, comes las verduras que dejó en su plato. Plantas en tu jardín para tener alimentos frescos.

Tener un hijo te enfrenta a tu propia sombra. Un hijo trae a flote tus peores defectos cuando (estas cansado pues tu hijo despertó varias veces en la noche y luego en la tarde) llora con intensidad porque no lo dejas jugar con la (peligrosa) caja de herramientas. Tienes ganas de gritar, salir corriendo, te sientes impaciente y autoritario. Pero con todo ese amor que le tienes lo educas. Aprendes a respirar profundo, agacharte, extenderle la mano a tu hijo y entender la situación a través de sus pequeños ojitos.

Un hijo te hace ser una persona más prudente. Nunca más vas a volver a conducir sin cinturón, manejar de forma arriesgada, o beber y conducir, por el simple hecho de que no puedes morir (no tan temprano) ¡¿Quién criaría y amaría a tus hijos de la misma forma en tu ausencia?! Un hijo te hace querer más que nunca estar vivo.

Y al final del día de trabajo, cuando llegas a casa y tu hija te recibe con esa hermosa y contagiosa sonrisa y con ese abrazo apretado, es maravilloso sentir que eres la persona más importante del mundo entero para ese pequeño ser.

Tener hijos me ha re-enseñado la delicia de un baño con espuma, de un chorro de agua en el calor, de correr con el perro, de comer fruta con las manos.

First day of Pre-school

We had a good night sleep. I think this morning really hit me that she is going to pre-school. I packed all her things and carried her in the sling. We had a sunny morning and it was not as cold as the last few mornings. We still had some snow in the ground though.

We arrived at the school and I found out that today was the first day of the first 5 kids in Frida's class. Both parents came for the other 4 kids but Frida's dad is in Cape Town for a wok trip. He texted me this morning feeling sad to be missing the day.

The place where she will be for the next months has a big welcome room divided into two. The first part seems to be a place to dry wet outfits. I found Frida's shelf labeled with her name. Just seeing the name there made me cry a little.

Then there is the nappy changing room followed by a big playing room. This big playing room has 3 areas divided by walls and doors. One area for arts and crafts, one area for building and one area with animals from the farm and jungle. Then there is a room for playing with water and sand.

After some weeks there will be 14 kids (between 1 and 2 years old) and 3 ladies (Eva, Celine and Ellen) taking care of them. Frida happily greeted most of the people and played with crayons, colours,  building tubes, legos, animals and dolls. She also climbed on everything.

Then we sat on a circle and Eva offered bananas to all kids. Frida was the most keen on going to the center to get a half banana. She ate it all and kept playing with all the nice things they have at the pre-school.

I feel very happy and proud every time people tells that she is such a happy kid. She really enjoyed her first day at pre-school and I have mixed feelings. It is now a bit more than a year since she was born. We lived through many milestones with her. And now one more, she will be going to school and will start spending her time away from us, and meeting other people.

My baby is growing up.

Förskola

Mañana es el primer día de mi hija en la guardería. Estoy nerviosa porque ahí va a empezar a escuchar el idioma número cuatro (el cual aún no hablo). Estoy nerviosa porque como ella aún no habla, no va a poder contarme todo lo que vivió en esas horas bajo el cuidado de otras personas. Estoy nerviosa porque en la guardería me pidieron que llevara ropa para salir en la lluvia. Estoy nerviosa porque es una gran cambio de vida, y los días en los que me enteraba todo de su vida mañana ya quedarán atrás. Es el primero paso a su vida fuera de casa.

Te amo mi chiquita. Al paso que tu aprendes a vivir, yo voy a aprendiendo y creciendo contigo.

Change of an era

While practicing natural parenting, breastfeeding all night in co-sleeping becomes the normal. I read that some hormonal changes can make nipples get sore even after months without problems. Last night while sleeping/breastfeeding the pain in my nipples just got unbearable and I just couldn't do it anymore. I decided to not breastfeed her during the night anymore. It had to happen at some point but for her is the end of life as she used to know it. She cried for two hours, but she finally went back to sleep.

Being with her those two hours was very hard for me because I love her and seeing her suffer is very hard for me. I observed how she cried and cried and couldn't understand what was happening. She is still too young to understand my words, but I hope she understood my hugs and kisses.